I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
