I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
