my soul wont recognize me after tonight
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Randomize
