I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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