So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
