Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
