God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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