peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
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i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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