you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
