So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
This house was built for laser tag.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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