Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
