Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
