She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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