i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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