You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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