Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
