yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
