with your own penis?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
