hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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