I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
