if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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