whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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