Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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