Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she pinky promised me she was 18
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
