We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
