can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
