I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
