I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
