I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
