I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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