I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
