I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
