I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
