Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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