Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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