Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
