So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
