you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
