So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
