Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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