So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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