I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
