Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
