You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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