The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
