We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
