did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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