This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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