My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
