make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
