don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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