just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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