My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
