my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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