It's like God shit irony all over that family
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
