the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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