Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
