I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
