So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
