A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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