i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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