Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
