wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
