Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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