That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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