i'm signing you up for texting rehab
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
