I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
