oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
P.S. I can't hear my feet
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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