how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
