You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
