New low: just hacked my moms facebook
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
