Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
