Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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