Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
