Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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