I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
