idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Houston, we have a squirter
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
