Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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