If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
