Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
