I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
