I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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