Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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