i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
