I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
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isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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